He Wasn't Around To Hold My Hand Forever
by Callx0fxPuberty
Summary: See how the Lone Wanderer, Gavin, deals with his father's death at Project Purity. Knowledge of my other story is not required. Callum's universe, but different time  year 2277 . One-shot


"_Listen, you need to know these things. I'm not going to be around to hold your hand forever, you know."_

And he was right…

* * *

><p>"I'm runnin' out of patience here."<p>

"Hold on, I just need to bring the systems online." A few more seconds pass, my nails begin to draw blood from my palms because I am clenching my fists so tight.

An explosion erupts and I am pushed back slightly even through the blast door. I glance at Doctor Li and I see she has her hands covering her face. I swing round back at Dad after hearing a painful sounding _'nooooo' _and to my horror I see him crouched down, holding on to the blast door.

"G-Gavin, Run! …Run!"

And that is last thing I ever heard my father say.

"No." I whisper to myself, "No." I say bit louder, "No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DAD, NO!" I begin frantically banging on the thick glass, but to no avail.

Taking the gun from my back, I smash the stock repeatedly into the door but it does nothing as well. The wooden butt cracks right down the middle so I drop the gun and resort, once more, to hitting it with my fists.

"Charon…do something!"

"I cannot, there is no way to save him now. We must make haste and leave right away."

"No!"

In a blind rage I forget about all that is around me and focus on getting into the chamber. My blood, soon, is smeared on the glass and while my frenzied attacks on the door should hurt me as the bones break and flesh shows… I feel less and less pain as my vision restricts to a small centred circle.

I feel someone much stronger than I pulling me away. This does not sit well with me and I hit that person, continually, until they drop me and I start kicking the glass. I take the 10mm pistol that Amata gave me two weeks ago and shoot the window. The bullets rebound back and one forces itself into my arm. I drop the gun and fall back. My eyes are still dry… If I cry, then I am giving up hope. There is still hope yet, there is always hope. Maybe Dad is doing this to test me, maybe he knew it was going to happen and he and his Enclave 'friends' acted this out to teach me some kind of lesson. Ticking in my pip-boy's Geiger counter tells me otherwise. Charon once again tries lifting me away but this time I let him. I've not given up hope, I've just blacked out.

* * *

><p>I wake up, hanging upside-down and moving slowly toward the ground. I realise now that I'm actually over Charon's shoulder, and he is climbing down a ladder. Upon realising I'm awake, Charon sets me down and I feel dizzy. I lean against the tunnel wall and look at the others around me, confused. Daniel Agincourt turns to me and prods me on the shoulder.<p>

"I better not find out that you or your father had anything to do with this. If I find out either one of you sold us out."

It then hits me what has happened and once again I fly into a blind fury. I grab Daniel and smash his head off the wall behind me and he falls down. I then stamp on his head over and over and over again, until Charon grabs me and separates me from Daniel. I wrench myself out of his grip and sprint away from the group, deeper into the tunnel.

I have no weapon; I dropped them all back at the rotunda. I hear Charon's voice shouting my name and getting quieter as I run. I'm running because… I don't know… Maybe this way I don't have to accept my father is gone.

I run from my troubles, always have. The only time I looked for trouble was when Butch and his gang would annoy Amata. I let no one touch Amata, which was why I beat Officer Mack within and inch of his life, right in front of The Overseer. That was why I also threatened that I would do the same to him if he ever touched Amata again. Yes that's it Gavin, think of Amata, happy thoughts happy thoughts.

I fall into hysterics and soon I'm rolling around the ground in fits of laughter and screams. I hear a feral scream at me and I get up. I mimic its screech and square up to it from a distance.

"Let's dance pretty boy!" I shout manically.

As we run towards each other I notice that it's not a roamer as I first thought, but a reaver. I don't care though, if my father really is dead then what do I have to live for? Although I basically want to die, I refuse to let Three Dog's Lone Wanderer go down without a fight.

As I near the Feral ghoul reaver, it brings its arm back in a wide motion to swipe at me: its head going back too. I use this loss of vision it has against it and dive down to the ground in front of it and curl up into a ball. It flies over the top of me and the force of its strong and speedy legs hitting me knock me over. I lands about fifteen feet away from me and it tears some radioactive gore from its body. What it doesn't know is that I'm healed by radiation just like it, thanks to Moira Brown. I make sure that I catch the gore and I feel it working its magic on my ruined hands. The force from the powerful throw forces me backwards and I fall to the ground onto my back. As the reaver goes to run at me again I quickly rub some gore on the bullet entry and exit wound on my arm. The beast jumps on me with speed and I propel it over my head by kicking its right knee. From the speed of its running and me kicking it, the feral's leg seems to have broken. It has been slowed down to my speed which evens up the playing field a bit.

I know from experience that Charon is exactly as strong as a reaver so now it would be the same as fighting a smaller version of Charon.

Outstanding…

I have no weapon, or do I? I know I'm going to die, so do I care about my own safety? The answer is no, I don't. The word 'feral' means untamed and only interested in ones own survival. So do I not have a chance here if I do not care if I live or die but the reaver does? I have nothing left to live for, really, so let's go. Fight to the death.

The feral swings at me again but I crouch and grab its wrist and push its elbow inwards which would have broken the arm of any person; but not this beast. My action only succeeds in making him angrier. His other arm swipes at me and connects with my head, knocking my vault 101 security helmet off. I am push backwards by the blow and while the hit itself does not hurt me; my head hitting the ground does. I expertly kick up off the ground into a standing position and goad the feral on. It swipes at me again and I block the blow and then swiftly head-but the beast and surprisingly it steps back – stunned. I laugh loudly and take off running, deeper into the tunnel.

"Chase me chase me bitch! Ahahahaha!"

I can hear its gravely breathing as it runs with the broken leg. It runs at, what seems like, the exact same speed as me and it has noticed this. The reaver rips chunk after chunk off of itself and hurls them at me. It doesn't even notice that it is only making me faster and stronger. Once I feel I can store the rising energy inside me no more I turn round stopping suddenly. I roundhouse kick the zombie and it lands on the ground with a thud. I actually floored a Feral ghoul reaver! It doesn't move for ages and I actually think I've killed it so I turn around only to hear it get up. As I turn around it barrels into the back of me and cuts me with its scythe-like claws right down my back.

I no longer feel pain as it guts me open. In fact I smile at it and it smiles back – or snarls and bares its teeth, I don't know. My vision blurred and I feel the end coming near.

"Yes, daddy I'm coming to see you now. I'll not be a minute, Ahahahaha!"

I realise that the radiation that the reaver emits from its bubbling flesh is actually healing me while its claws cut me open and root around inside me. I imagine if my skin completely healed while its hands are inside of me and I laugh at the thought. Then I look at it, down at my stomach and the blood pouring out of me. I start to feel V.A.T.S. kick in and I wonder if possibly it is my body's way of telling me not to give up hope.

"Get the fuck off of me you inbred little shit!"

I take palms and use the hard bits of them to simultaneously jab the feral's temples in – a headache punch. I notice how V.A.T.S. makes my hit that much more powerful as the feral falls sideways unconscious.

"Get owned, motherfucker!" I shout before falling into the blackness myself.

* * *

><p>I hear gunshots – many of them. What? Gunshots… In heaven? I knew the world was destroyed, but really? Or… Maybe not, maybe this is hell. My father…oh no, I'm not going to meet him; he was a visionary, a good one. He'll be in heaven, this was all for nothing.<p>

No! I stop myself. My father, he isn't dead. Men like him never die, they're too important to the world. But hold on, would that not mean… I'm alive.

I force my eyes open, and look around. My vision is destroyed, I cannot see a thing. Slowly, and very slowly at that, my vision clears and the whole time I hear a shotgun unleashing shell after shell into the target. Eventually, just as I can see straight the shooting discontinues and a women swims into my line of sight. I notice that it's Doctor Li and her face is as pale as a 'new to the wasteland vault dweller' – such as myself. I smile hysterically at her and I notice that there is massive amount of blood in my mouth, which I spit out. More forms and I realise that I'm basically hitting my head off a brick wall with it so I give up and let the blood just leak out of my mouth.

"What am I supposed to do? You're the doctor, you help him." I hear Charon's gravely voice and boy he sounds pissed.

"… Yo-… Po…Gl… You're telling me that he is healed by radiation such as yourself?" I drift in and out of consciousness as the two of them argue.

"Rip bits of the reaver's skin off, it couldn't be anymore radioactive."

"Are you sure this will not kill him?"

"Just fucking do it all right! I will not stand by as my employer slowly dies in front of me because unlike you, I actually have gotten to know him and didn't judge him with spiteful and clouded preconceptions! Now hand me some fucking gore or you'll join that reaver in death because it's better than you."

I try to move my head and I see Charon attempting to heal my gaping stomach hole.

"Ch-Ch-Charon. Hey b-buddy, I almost b-beat that thing hmm?"

"Shh, don't talk sir; you need to save your strength. Your going to be alright."

"Wh-what 'bout m-my Dad. Did you g-go back for him? Is h-he alright now?" His mouth opens slightly and he looks at me sympathetically.

"Yes…of course he is, he's in a safe place now. Now why don't you sleep, we'll be at the Citadel soon."

"Y-yeah, you're a r-really goo-goo-g…" I cough up a bit more blood and then fall into the pitch black of unconsciousness once more.

* * *

><p>"Now this is James' son, I presume. My God, he needs to see the Mister Gutsy doctor right away."<p>

"Yes, he knows what we need: a vault-tec computer; something to locate equipment. Can someone point him in the right direction once he's better?"

"Yes of course Madison. Now you there… Ghoul, follow my daughter and she will take you to the medical wing."

Charon carries me over his shoulder and we enter a building. I hear voices all around me but they seem so distant that I faze them out. I am placed delicately onto a gurney and a Mister Gutsy stares at with its sensors.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

"It's a bit fucking obvious robot." Charon says, the impatience clear in his voice.

"Processed. Beginning medical sub-routine."

I feel a stabbing pain in my chest, and not one from a needle – like one from a large knife or something.

"Owww. Wh-what was t-that?" I mumble, not actually coherent to the others in the room.

"What the fuck robot?"

"ERROR ERROR. Please run a level two diagnostic."

"Run a level two diagnostic."

"Interruption in neural pathway EA96XO3."

"Re-route the bloody pathway then."

"Neural pathway EA96XO3 disabled and re-routed through neural pathway EA96XR7. Full system functions restored. Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

"For fuck sake fix him you stupid tin can!"

"Sir yes sir. … Patient has lost a lot of blood of type A… Negative. Patient has inflamed appendix and three fractured ribs, along with badly mended broken fingers and a partially healed gunshot wound. Severe lacerations across spinal region. Performing appendectomy preceding application of several stimpaks. Administering anaesthesia."

* * *

><p>"He looks like hell Charon."<p>

"Well what would you look like if you fought a bloody reaver unarmed? I tell you something, you wouldn't be alive. But my employer on the other hand, no, he's a fighter."

"Well I'm sorry, that this happened. James was a good friend of mine in the past, he will be missed greatly."

Why? Why would he be missed? My Dad is fine, he can't die. He can't, he won't, and he didn't. No… No way.

"Ch-Charon?"

"Yes sir?"

"I-I, what happened?"

"You ran off in the tunnel and tried to fight a reaver."

"Got that bastard good huh? Did you see how slow he was, I broke its leg."

"Yes I did see, how are you feeling?"

"Fine, a bit stiff though."

"No, I mean… Emotionally."

"What? I'm fine. Now help me up."

"Sir, are you sure?"

"Of course, and don't call me sir. My name is Gavin. Gavin James Scott."

Charon helps me stand up, and I'm a bit unsteady. I lean on to the wall for support.

"So Charon, where's my Dad? Is he in the lab or something, he's probably doing some weird 'prepared experiments' with the scribes here I'll bet."

"Sir… Gavin… He's gone. You saw it yourself, there was no way…"

"… No he's not. I saw him in the tunnel, remember?"

I laugh a bit and move on, clutching the wall because I know if I let go of it I will fall and look like an idiot in front of all the manly power armoured soldiers. Charon leads me through a set of double doors and a women in a red robe calls us over.

"You can use that terminal there to access the vault information you need. Much of it is corrupt data though, so I don't know if it will be of much use to you."

"Thank you." I turn to Charon, "What am I looking for again?"

"A vault with a G.E.C.K. in its equipment list."

"Oh yeah, for the water purifier."

"Sir, I know what is wrong with you right now."

"What?"

"You are going through the stages of death."

"Again… What?"

"When somebody dies the ones closest to them usually go through 4 stages of feelings. First – anger, which you demonstrated in the rotunda. Second, which you on now – unacceptance, which is sometimes missed out: it means that you refuse to believe that they have passed and you may blame yourself for it.. Third – sadness which will definitely be the next stage for you. But after all the tears and regret has passed the last stage is acceptance. I'm sure you will feel better sir if you just skipped this stage that your in right now. I have seen men and women go mad when the bombs fell, and refuse to accept that the world was over. Some of them never came out of it. What I'm saying is, once you start blaming yourself for others death, that's a slippery slope that you cannot come back from."

"What the fuck Charon, you don't know me. Nobody knows me… The only one who did was the one girl that I had to leave behind to chase this selfish bastard down. And don't say it was my choice to leave, don't. Because I was forced out, and you know what else was forced out – the truth. I found out that everything my Dad told me, all my life, was a lie. You think you know. My Dad will never die, because I'll keep his ideas going through my actions. Don't think you know me Charon, because you don't. So keep your fucking huge '_back in my day'_ speeches to yourself."

"I'm sorry employer, sir."

"Yeah whatever."

I sit down on the computer chair and notice that everyone is looking at me.

"What, y'all got something to say? Huh? Well then say it… Nothing… Well stop fucking staring at me then!"

I turn back to the terminal and start looking through the listed vaults and their different equipment. I miss out vault 101 because I remember my father's holotape recording saying that our vault never had a G.E.C.K., sadly. It would have made this so much easier. After a while I click on a vault 87, and look at the equipment list. It was the last vault in the list so if it didn't have a G.E.C.K. then I would pretty much be screwed. I scan the equipment list and I notice that it's corrupt data. I face-palm then look down and the ground and sigh.

"_But that's the story of project purity isn't it? An eternity of 'almost there's'."_

He was right about that too. All of his work for nothing. All of that effort he endeavoured on this project, for nothing. It hit a dead end, again, just like the project did nineteen and a bit years ago. And now his death… No wait, euphemism please… his passing, will have been for nothing. I look at the screen helplessly, in hope for… I don't know, another terraforming device capable of producing life from complete lifelessness. When I first looked at the page the focal point of it was the 'error and corrupt data' messages at the bottom. I didn't notice that just above that… Was the word… G.E.C.K.

Hallelujah! I shoot up from my seat and shout my thanks to God. I then remember that I just received an appendectomy not a few hours ago. I fall to the ground, dizzy and nauseous. No one helps me up, not even Charon. Usually if I am highly intoxicated or dizzy for any other reason and I go to fall over, Charon will be there to stop me from hitting the deck. A Godsend to a reckless and lonely kid such as myself. I recollect shouting at him and realise that is the reason he didn't stop me from falling, and isn't helping me up. I rise and hold the scar on my right side, just below my abdomen. Walking off hugging a wall with one hand and clutching my side with the other was something I never thought I'd ever do just a month ago. Never thought I would feel pain, like I have in the past few weeks. Never thought I would get: shot, stabbed, clubbed, burnt, scratched, bitten, sliced up, or my genetic code messed up. Never thought I would be immune to radiation. Everything I was taught in school about radiation, was wrong. Who knew that anyone could be immune to gamma particles and cancer?

I half-stumble into the lab, and ask around for someone to help me. They all point me in the direction of a bald scribe called Rothchild… Man I'd love to know his first name.

"I need to get to vault 87, it has a G.E.C.K. but I don't know where it is."

"Ok then, follow me." He takes me over to an orange coloured map of the capital wasteland and I hear my pip-boy click as it registers new locations.

"Right, Gavin is it? This here is a map of all known vault positions in the capital wasteland. There is vault 87 on the left, although you will find access particularly difficult."

"There's always something… Why will I find it difficult?"

"There are lethal levels of radiation surrounding the vault, I'm afraid you'll find access quite impossible." Yeah, not if you're immune to radiation like me. But I'm not about to go telling them that, I know how these guys treat ghouls. And while I'm not a ghoul, per say, I'm as close as you can get without the loss of skin and sterility.

"So that's it, I'm screwed? There must be another way."

"Well yes there is. We believe that you may be able to access through lamplight caverns. Back before the war it was a touring centre of vault 87. We believe it may still be an operation means of entrance."

"Right ok I'll head there A.S.A.P."

"Good."

I walk (shuffle) away from him and walk straight by Charon without making eye contact. How could I after blowing up at him like that? We are about to leave the courtyard when a man stops me.

"Hey outsider, do you want to learn how to use power armour? You'll need it if you are going out into the wastes."

"Sure, fine."

It actually is harder than I thought. It feels as though you are being crushed by a weight, but also like you are walking on air at the same time. It's weird, and as soon as I've learned how to not fall over every two seconds, I take the huge armour off and give it back to him. I make a pact not to wear that armour in the future unless completely necessary. He then offers Charon to be trained but he is dismissive of the idea. Apparently he was already trained before the war.

We are now walking out of the Citadel now, a notice that my cheeks are wet… Not wet… But soaking. My fist instinct is that the liquid is blood, but a clear wetness on my sleeve tells me otherwise.

"Sir… do you wish to have your weapons back now?"

"No… No, not yet. Just give me an hour."

"Ok, but just remember, if we're in a fire-fight… I'm not going to be there to hold your hand.

And that does it.

I fall to the ground, tears gushing out of my eyes. I realise now, that I've not yet cried for the passing of my father.

"He's dead Charon, he's dead." I whimper.

I scream in agony. Emotional agony. So loud, so loud. All of the wasteland must hear, above all the explosions and distant gunshots. And wonder… Wonder. What could cause so much hate and agony… Sadness? War, war never changes.

"_Listen, you need to know these things. I'm not going to be around to hold your hand forever, you know."_

**That was my first try at writing a one-shot. Please tell me what you think. Also, random fact: Callx0fxPuberty was my Xbox gamertag before it got banned. No offence or anything, but 'puberty' is hardly a swearword. :L **


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